Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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