We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize