So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
