STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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