WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....