Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.