How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
