Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you never un-have a 4some
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
