My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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