Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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