im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.