what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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