I'm gonna have a badass scar
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.