all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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