I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..