The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.