I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
