i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize