Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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