I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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