Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
