I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
