I think im going to throw up on grandma
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
