I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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