Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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