Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
