I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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