I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
