You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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