Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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