if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
