My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
