you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
