he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
the raccoons are back...
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