My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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