I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
