every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
