The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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