I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
