hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
