I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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