i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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