Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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