i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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