fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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