gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He better not be in your backpack
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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