Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
