Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
