you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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