I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
