so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
