So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
