end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
