what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
