My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
