I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Panties = found
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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