ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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