covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
