you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
