; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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