His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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