On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
