are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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