it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
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