You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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