Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
