Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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