Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We need to get me chipped asap
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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