oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
