I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
