I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
