you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
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