Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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