My sheets look like a crime scene.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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