Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Drake has all the answers
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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