I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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