Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
