My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
